Hello kind people,

Only half of what I'm saying is related to relationships (the other side goes a bit deeper into my subconscious), but I'll try in this subsection first. The short summary of what I'm experiencing right now:

Introduction:
My girlfriend (let's call her Angel ) and I are together for 8 months now (both 25 yo), and even though we have our minor differences, we both experience something we never did, we love each other, and even see a future together. I'm an engineer, she's studying psychology, interested in spirituality, so as you can guess, she looks at these things a bit differently than I do, and she does it a lot .

Where it started:
She didn't really mention this, only after it was a bit late, but she noticed the way I look at her sometimes, she described it as I was disappointed, or was hoping that she was a different person, like I was seeing a different person in her, and she's just not her. I didn't, and still don't feel like this. The problems started when she "found" the person I supposedly was searching for in her.

The other girl:
Let's call her Brenda. I know her since I was 4, we were at the same kindergarten together, we grew up, finished highschool together, then we went on our separate ways. I had some feelings for her for, which I attribute to her attitude, she was an original type of girl, who stood out of the crowd, but it was never so intense that I would want to be with her. I had feelings for lots of other girls too... I was a boy in highschool. Nowadays, she "returned" into "my" life, as in we live in the same city, she has a boyfriend (lots of years together), we hang out (not only the two of us) together, but rarely, like once a month. My only feelings for her are friendly and nostalgic, she's the one who reminds me of the old times.

The only thing that happened between me and Brenda is a huge mistake, when we got drunk, and at the push of a third person, we kind of slept together. It wasn't like you see in the movies, I'm not even sure if IT happened at all, or we were just fooling around, because neither of us remembers that night really clearly. Angel knows about this, and it happened before we got together.

Me acting strange:
Angel saw the way I am acting around Brenda. She says that I am completely different, I treat her with more respect and attention, and always smile when I'm around her. She even feels that I don't treat her the same way. I explain this to myself as an act of respect towards her, I keep a distance between Brenda and I. On the other hand, I can't always be in my "smiling mood" when I'm with Angel... we spend a lot of time together, so obviously she will see my bad side, which is not visible to others, like Brenda.

Subconscious love:
Here comesthe (not so) funny part. Angel knows [I don't want to give more details on this, just imagine (but don't over-think it) an external non-human source, that she things it's reliable information] that I LOVE Brenda and she loves me back, but neither of us know this yet. It's just hidden somewhere deep in our subconscious and it's waiting for it to surface when we are ready.

My feelings:
I do not reject her theory. I am an open person, and I am willing to try to think objectively. Consciously, I have no feelings for Brenda. I love Angel. Apart for this, and other smaller issues, we have a wonderful time together, and we're happy. I can even see her as my future partner. Yes, there are things in her that I "don't like" that much, and I wish she would act like other girls (even Brenda), but these are extremely few, and I ACCEPT them. I'm not sad about them, I don't think about them, I don't wish to change her. I have my own weird things... no one is perfect. At least that's how I see it. If I think logically, objectively, emotionally... if I would be given the choice between the two, and all three of us would forget everything that happened, and I would be able to spend my life with my chosen one... I would still choose Angel.

Her feelings:
Angel loves me. I could even say she loves me more than I do love her. When she "found" this out, she was lost, and didn't know how to continue our relationship, if to continue at all. She thought it's just a matter of time until I realize that I love someone else, and I will leave her behind me with lots of suffering. Her theory of why I love her is that I love her a little, but most of the love is channeled for Brenda, through her, and deep inside I have a blurry picture of the two of them in my mind. She says that I just know that I can't have Brenda, so I settle for her, and see her as Brenda, not seeing the real Angel. Right now, the things settled a bit, and we are together, everything seems fine, but the "fact" is in her mind all the time, she just tries to "get over it", because she loves me, and wants to stay with me... but I see how she gets sad from time to time, because she knows that I don't see HER in her.

Now I don't know how the brain works, but for me, this is really complicated, that's why I come for help to you . I'm not denying that my brain somehow made a mental image of the ideal girl, which includes some of Brenda also, and try to project it to other girls, but isn't this how the brain works?

Is there such a thing as subconscious love at all?
Is there a way to find out what's really going on?
If there is something in my subconscious, is there a way to resolve it?
Can it be this mangled up, this complicated?
How will this play out? How should I play it out?
If, after a time, I do realize that I love Brenda, but I also have feelings for Angel, could I take it as it's "resolved" deep in my mind, so I just have to deal with it on the surface, and try to forget about Brenda, even though I will know that I love(d) her?

My biggest thanks for whoever reads all this and tries to help me, I know that it's a lot, and you might have to read it a second time. It would mean a lot.
Have a nice day!