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May 07, 2012, 06:45 AM
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Member Since: May 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 1,309
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Hey, don't ever think you're not a superstar - something you'll learn as you grow through your depression, is that it is a monster that lies to you, telling you taht you are nothing. You ARE a superstar, and do you know why that is? Because someone has tolod you so. I have told you so, that will soon be enough, once you rise out of the depression that swamps you now.
I hope it was something positive that was triggered in you. I like to think that my ramblings help others in some way... Being optimistic is what gets me through every day, if I didn't try to think positively and ride the waves of negativity in the way that I do, I'd drown in my own depression and unhappiness. I've been there a few times, and every time I have vowed that I wouldn't go back there again. Of course, after the first time, I went there again, and after the second time, I did again, but each time it was worse and more difficult to get out of, but I did it, and the third time, I came round in hospital and here is what I thought.
'Why am i still alive? I shouldn't still be alive. I fell down the stairs knocked myself unconscious. Nobody knew where I was. Why am I here?'
Then, something clicked after I'd spoken to a nurse and come round some more, had some time to think and cry, get angry at myself for doing what I did and for ending up where I was. It clicked that actually, I have so much that I want to achieve, so many aspirations, hopes, wishes, and so many people that I'd like to meet, places I'd like to go. I strive every single day to be a better person tomorrow, than the person I am today. I decided that if I am dead, then how can I achieve anything that I wanted to achieve? I can't DO anything at all, let alone achieve anything. So, did I really want to be dead?
The answer came to me as a no. I thought long and hard about it, lost night after night of sleep, mulling over it, and decided that the reason I'd woken up in hospital all these times especially this time when my body was failing on me but clung on for dear life, was because I have far too many reasons not to die, far too many reasons to be here and to achieve, to do what I was born to do.
I haven't yet found out what that part is yet, but I think I'm getting there slowly as i grow, learn, and experience more in my lifetime. I'm just shocked that it took me so long, so much damage to my body, such a shock from the nurse telling me I almost died, for me to finally realise that I have more than enough to live for, I just need to work on it, and that I do actually want to achieve all of those things and live to make my Dad and my Foster Parents proud.
Anyway, enough rambling from me (again)  I've got a headache again today, we've worked out that it's from being so tense all week, not having time to think or even relax during the week, and then all of that catching up on me at the weekends when I am doing not a lot and relaxing. So, I've come here to get my brain thinking and distracted and to see what joys you lovely people have posted, and once again, you've not failed in making me smile 
Remember, you're a superstar!
 
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