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June 1, 2011 I was raped by a guy I had been dating 6 months. I was a virgin before and consequently I’m extremely screwed up. The guy that raped me said we were going to get married, made plans for our future, and basically promised me the world. He’s the first guy I ever believed I would marry; I guess I was always too cynical to believe before him.
And now there’s this guy (Tommy) who is into me, but I’m scared and I don’t know that I’m ready for anything. Tommy’s been a Facebook (FB) friend for a long time, but we’ve just started talking on the phone. Physically he’s not my type, but emotionally there is a real connection. Tommy is also FB friends with the guy that raped me, he knows what happened and he believes me. Tommy has said he’ll take everything really slow with me and won’t do anything I’m uncomfortable with. He even suggested I ask my t if she thinks its okay for us to be talking. He said if she says no, he will wait. I’ve told him I’m afraid I’m going to hurt him, that I’m just not ready. He says he wants to restore my faith in men.
I had a dream about Tommy the other night, where he was trying to do different things to me (kiss, hug, touch, etc.) and he kept stopping to ask if I was okay, but I wasn’t – I kept freaking out.
What’s more is that I feel like I’m headed down the same road I took with the guy who raped me. Both guys I met online, have Narcolepsy (like myself), live in other states, are 35, have made big promises to me, seem sweet, honest and trustworthy.
I don’t want to lose out on what seems to be a great guy, but I just don’t know. I’m going to ask my t, but in the meantime I thought I’d see what you guys think, if you have any advice.
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Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."
~Mary Anne Radmacher
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