I'm sorry that happened to you. I can kinda relate, though from a different expierence. I was raped my bf and it was my first sexual expierence. It was really hard afterwards because I felt like I was supposed to hate him, but I didn't ... I still cared for him deeply. But I've found that as the healing process goes on, I'm caring less and less for him. I'm learning to see him more for what he did than what he was.

Good Luck!