With much help and patience, alcoholism and crack no longer have their hold over my life, for this I am so very grateful.

Nicotene still has me in it's grip though, it's a 39 year old addiction. At this late date I can't call it a 'habit' as some do. I am definitely feeling the bad heath effects of it, this past year.

I also struggle with another drug dependence, which I don't feel like putting a name to just quite yet. It's hard enough on me knowing that it too, has a grip.

I still have this love/hate relationship with Bipolar. Hate the depression aspect, but dayuum if I don't kinda love the hypo/manic side of the disorder.

Thus the dilemma, I'm dependent (addicted?) to that drug so that I can have the mania. That's just plain screwed up, isn't it?

I know my life will get better, but, sometimes, it just doesn't feel that way. I know someone out there has to know what I'm talking about here. For truly I can't be alone in all of this. Somebody, help???