woke up feeling really angry looking for a fight. Took it all out on my poor mum because she messaged me to see if I was okay, because she's been worried. Oh did she get it, and for absolutely nothing at that. If anything she's going to be even more worried now, then she was. After I calmed down all I did was feel super guilty about it until my counseling appointment.
I was really nervous and anxious for that today. I wanted to go so I could talk, but lately my counselor just hasn't been actually listening. I'll tell her what is going on how its making me feel and then she twists it and makes everyone around me seem like a horrible person. Today she even told me that if I keep venting to my mom that my mom will get to stressed and not speak to me anymore. Who says that? And why would you say that to someone who just told you their petrified that's everyone is going to or already has abandon me. I feel like my counselor is acting like more of a mother towards me because she has a daughter my age. I ended up leaving there feeling even worse then when I went..
On the bright side though, on my way back to my apartment I ran into some really great friends that I haven't seen in awhile. They could tell that my partner an I weren't actually good like we said and insist that we come over tonight because they miss and love us. It was really great to see them, and I forgot just how much I love them. I'm just hoping that I don't forget that again when its time to go over. I hope my anxiety won't be so overwhelming that I can't go.

Over all I just feel.... So numb it hurts..
Hopefully seeing my friends will help distract me from me for awhile. *fingers crossed*

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