I feel like I have a lot of halfway type of friends and not a lot that I feel like I connect with and can dive deep with. I can be in room full of people but that room will feel so empty to me. I never feel like I can be my true comfortable self. At least at my job I had a fair amount of social contact and people would make me laugh and such. Even though there were enough people there who also conjured up there own half way opinion of me without actually getting to know me I still felt more comfortable there than I do in this very moment. I don't miss those fake people who were down right caddy and ignorant and made me feel small but I miss everything and everybody else. I feel like I was mis-understood there and people treated me like ****. It sucks I couldn't show them different or that they wouldn't even give me the time of day. So i feel really small right now. I don't even feel like I can be myself at home living with my parents I feel trapped inside. I was on my way to move out until I got fired from my job. I just feel like everytime I'm just about to be RIGHT there something happens to just knock it all down. I over think enough now I have even more time to think think think and I'm not digging it. I'm trying to think of positive things but i just feel like some people around me bring me down like some will say they want to hang but then when i say ok they ethier don't answer my text messages or they freaking have something come up. I'm just fed up with being so nice to some people that don't give a **** about me. Being the bigger person can be so tiring. I just don't get how there is so many superficial people that only give you the time of day if you are "cool" and dress perfect and wear the right makeup .......or the ones that smile in your face and say ignorant things about you behind your back. Why can't they get over themselves? I can't even go hang out in a bar anymore because all it is is a bunch of people mingling trying to be cool and pick out the most hottest person in the bar and have fun cutting down everyone else that does not look like a dime piece in their eyes. I'm sorry if my hair isn't perfect or if my teeth are not perfectly straight or that my skin may have blemishes.

I just hate feeling this way.

I could go on and on