I don't understand what is wrong with me or why I am feeling this way. Everything seems "backward" to me.

Over the weekend my neighbor - that I barely know - called and told me she was ill. She explained how she felt and what was happening. I immediately went into "totally focused, super smart, calm caretaker / mom / first responder" mode.

I said I was coming over to take her to the Urgent Care (I didn't tell her I was taking her to the ER because I didn't want to scare her). It sounded as if she had a DVT that was now a PE (clot in her lung).

We got there at 6PM and by 1AM she was in ICU.

I was perfectly calm, cool and collected the entire time I was with her. It was all so familiar to me. Getting the sick call, driving to the ER or Hospital, being in the hospital, seeing all the medical personnel, etc. While we were waiting for triage to see her (I stepped that up with the poor admitting intern / volunteer after waiting 10 minutes) ... I made sure to get as much history, medical info, personal info, etc as possible in case she became unresponsive.

She didn't have any family to speak of and she broke off her engagement to her fiance two years ago. I still can't imagine WHY she picked me to call. I am totally eff'd up.

Apparently not though because thank goodness she is OK and being moved to a private room today.

The thing is. I feel nothing. I feel absolutely nothing at all. When I got home at 1AM'ish, I was a little wired and hungry. I slept for a few hours, woke up feeling OK and went back to the hospital with a few odds and ends for her in a travel bag. I made all the phone calls from the hospital for her, did everything I needed to do for her at her home (I took care of her cat, cleaned her place, tidied up without being intrusive. It was sort of a disaster, and all I could think of was that I didn't want her to come home from the hospital worrying about a million dishes in the sink, the trash bins full, the kitty area dirty, her clothes strewn around, etc).

Then I went home and made myself take a nap. I was exhausted.

I felt absolutely nothing the entire couple of days. NOTHING.

Then today, I am totally depressed. I am at work (barely). I can barely speak, I feel barely alive.

Is this normal? WTHeck is wrong with me? Any input would be greatly appreciated.