My husband and family dont understand me...Im always sick...there is a loaded gun in my room, why cant i do it? I dont want my two year old daughter growing up and thinking it was somehow her fault...I just hurt so much and its and its getting hard to cope...and besides, im sure my husband will leave me one day for the next most exciting and attractive model...one without any defects like mental and physical illness which never seem to end or get better...i wish i would just die naturally so nobody feels responsible.