Hi Stoda!

I'm so sorry you've been through something so terrible. (((((safe warm hugs)))))
I have been through it too and know how painful it is.

In regards to Tommy, I would be a hypocrit to tell you not to involve yourself with him as I have moved states to be with somebody I met online. The first time I did that it went horribly wrong. The second time it went extremely well.

I can tell you my gut instinct about Tommy is not a good one. What makes me most uncomfortable is him wanting you to ask your T. On the surface that sounds like a great plan, but underneath it I sense manipulation. What better way for him to get you on his side and/or go to bat for him?

In psychology they talk about the triangle. two people have an issue they don't agree on so one of them will pull in a third person to get that person on their side. That's what I'm sensing here.

Ultimately it is your call. If you do meet him IRL I would take every possible precaution. Make the date for a public place that will have a lot of other people. Do not let him know where you are staying. Do not spend time alone with him the first week at least (i.e. get in his car to go somewhere).

I will be here to talk and for support.

ItS