did your husband and you say your vows? then I'm sure he will be there for you. I'm glad you can't use the gun. yes, it would affect your daughter greatly and you can't do that to her (and many, many other people that you think don't care, but they do and people here do, too!). can you ask your husband to move the gun somewhere else, out of your reach and your daughter's reach as well? I'm not trying to be preachy and I'm not anti-gun, I'm just a little worried for you. often I wondered what I'd do if I had one in my house and then I'm glad I don't.

you sound like you're at a very low right now--have you sought out professional help? I'd encourage you to do so. how much have you told your husband and family about your feelings? it's a shame when people don't know or care or "get it" when it comes to mental illness. is it a matter of they just don't know the extent of what you're dealing with mentally along with your physical illness?

I wish I could wave a magic wand and remove this feeling from you, NAD (and Lost in DC, too!). hugs to you both.