Ugh, what a difficult situation. I can hear the pain you've been experiencing in the way you write. For what it's worth, I think your old T screwed up when he left after you became suicidal. I know that some T's don't handle suicidal thoughts or behavior well, but it seems extremely unethical to me to drop someone just because they're suicidal. It's kind of part of the territory.

That said, I'm glad you have an appointment scheduled with your new T today. Even if you feel uncertain about continuing, it seems important to process whatever happens with your old T.

I hope things go well for you today.