Started trauma work yesterday with T2.

It started by my telling him that I've remembered the name of the guy involved in my csa. My T asked, "What was his name?" and I told him. Out loud. And as soon as I said his name I became terrified.

Then I was telling him about another forgotten episode and while I was telling him the boy's name popped into my head as well. I said, "Shi!, I just remembered HIS name too." And he asked me his name and I told him. Same feeling as the first time.

Saying these names absolutely scared the bejeebers outta me. And I'm reflecting on how "obedient" I was to say the names -- especially the second name when I already knew how saying the first name felt.

And this fear still lingers -- even when I'm distracted by something else. This is just the beginning though, so I guess I'd better get used to it.