I was super depressed when I got to my T last night. I was totally numb and disconnected. I didn't realize how bad I appeared or was sounding.

I had to agree to promise not to S and sign a safety contract which is in force until our next appointment in less than a week.

In addition: I had to agree to several conditions by which to keep myself safe and healthy:

1. Eat 3 meals a day (I really didn't notice it but I haven't been eating much). We compromised though. I promised to drink 2 Ensures for lunch in lieu of eating (chewing).
2. Keep a grateful journal (write 2 things I am grateful for every night before I go to bed)
3. Go to work everyday (no matter how tired / depressed I am. Show up)
4. Text / Call Her if I need to (do not hesitate)

I feel horrible. This is the first time in my life that I've been this miserable, in front of another human being, that actually cared about my well-being.

I don't know what to think. I'm just on auto-pilot right now.