I've recently noticed a pattern in my behaviour.
I keep saying I want a relationship and then meeting perfectly nice men and then doing everything I can to push them away, and then deceiving myself as to why.
But now I'm admitting that I'm pushing them away because I'm afraid.

I've only had one serious relationship and that ended almost 3 years ago now, I allowed myself the first year to wallow and move on, it ended because he cheated on me, and that left me feeling awful about myself, and I didn't have great self esteem to start! But for the past year and a half I've met people who I really liked and then found some reason or reasons to push them away.

I know I'm afraid of getting hurt again and it was only recently when a friend I have strong feelings for became single, who I know is a very good person, and my other friends started encouraging me to go for it, that I realised that it's not only my fear of getting hurt that is stopping me, it's the fear of a sexual relationship.

My ex is the only person I have been with and I didn't feel particularly comfortable with him either as he was never very helpful or kind to me.

Now I know that until I get over this fear I'm never going to open myself to any sort of relationship and now I'm terrified that will mean I'll end up alone.

How can I get over this fear? Has anyone else had a similar experience?