Dear T

Somewhere along the course of therapy my mood dropped dangerously low. It's grief for what I didn't have, you say. At the same time, your 'phone broke' and our daily contact was pulled without ceremony from under my feet. This is day three without you and I am staring at my phone hoping to see an email from you. Yet the low mood is cushioning me from the rawness of the loss of you, from the shock that in the end what I thought was solid was so very tenuous. I had to lose you sometime, and I'm glad it was now, when the loss of you is just another loss on the pile of loss crushing down on me. You are just another thing I don't have- never really had at all. And I am the automaton that is left. "Thank you for leaving me. Your loss is very important to us. Your loss is at queue position 5-0-1-7. We will deal with your loss as soon as possible".