Okay, so I imagine myself at T's dinner table for his birthday with his kids, and all I feel is... awkward! I mean, he has told me enough about them that I could make reasonable conversation about their interests - but I would never feel like part of their family. Maybe because I don't feel like part of my own nuclear family, altho I certainly do feel like part of my extended, 60 first cousins family. Are you saying you wouldn't feel awkward there? Or haven't you ever pictured yourself in that scenario? Do you just see yourself EXcluded?

I told T (and pdoc) today that for the first time in therapy with any therapist, I am FINALLY starting to feel the comfort and security of a T. I have a bedtime ritual for the first time in my life, with the CPAP machine, that I have done for 8 nights now, even thru last week's crisis. THAT has never happened either, where MY needs took precedence, ever. EVER. And now T is just T, and that is SO good. Anyway. I'm interested to know how that quote looks in your head.