Thank you rainbow. It's just that I know she has read the email b/c she literally, almost without fail, responds within an hour every time I ask for a response. I am just imagining her reading my email and thinking how annoying I am and that I am just another client and that "F**k it" she can just let me know in session about the bill.
In a way I am hoping this is the case because then I can have an excuse to not see her and stop obsessing. If she doesn't email back I would do a lot of grieving but then I would be done and closed off again and no one could touch me. I am prepared for that.