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lynn09 · May 09, 2012, 03:58 AM

Hello, rcrss5, and welcome to PC. I'm so sorry that you're having such a rough go of things, but please, please, please be careful with your meds. If you feel that you are in danger of harming yourself by overdosing or in any other way, please call 911 and go to the ER where they can keep you safe.

I don't know how long you've been on meds, but it can take several weeks before some reach a therapeutic level in your system - so please be patient and give the meds a chance to do their job. Taking care of 5 children by yourself is stressful enough without trying to deal with a major depressive episode at the same time. If it is possible for your ex or some other family member to take care of your children for a while, perhaps that would be helpful - perhaps it would give you a chance to get whatever medical/psych treatment you need to stabilize your mood and alleviate the depression somewhat so you can function more effectively.

You say that you are not the mother that your children deserve, but giving up on yourself is not the answer. Do everything possible to get whatever assistance you need to deal with the depression so you can be the person you want and have every right to be, and so you can be the mother your children need. Don't beat up on yourself - treat yourself with the very same care and compassion you would show one of your children, another loved one, or a friend, if they were experiencing what you are now. This life is not about what you/others do/do not deserve, but rather helping each other get what we need to become the people we want to be and have the lives we desire.

Please keep posting to let us know how you are doing and what support we can provide to help you get through this. lynn09