Thank you. Yes it is of course magical thinking etc- I know. I'm just trying to process how I feel- I'm certainly not saying it's right! I am not kind at all, WePow. The truth is I need my T to be ok because I need her. It's all about me, as it always is.

T texted to say that she's decided not to be in contact till next Monday. Five days to go. I miss her terribly, as we are usually in contact several times each day (I was 'Improving') and it's already been four days. It's not helping that I was experiencing terribly low mood and fighting suicide before this happened and was trying to hold on till she came back. I feel I've done this to myself, as last night she was saying she was happy to text and I was the one telling her not to. How stupid. It is awful when something is offered and then taken away.

I understand about stepping back, but it feels very hard when I am so much a part of her life when everything is going ok. It feels truly awful to be banished when things are going badly- not to be allowed to be near her, not to get any feedback about whether she is ok, not to be able to tell her I love her and I'm thinking of her. I don't even need her to text me- just not to officially be 'gone'- not to allow the person who did this to take her away from me. It also feels horrible not to be 'trusted' to manage erratic contact, or not to burden her with my problems. Part of the reason my partner left me because she didn't believe that I could step up and support her when she needed it. And I feel that this chance to practise and to show I can do it is being taken away from me because T, like my ex, doesn't trust me.