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May 09, 2012, 10:34 AM
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Member Since: Nov 2011
Posts: 294
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trippin2.0
Angry, sad, irritated, fed-up! But nobody leaves me alone, they KEEP bugging me, when all I want to do is sleep it off. So then, I yelled at my poor daughter bcoz I didn't feel like making her what she wanted for supper (2 much GD effort) and then my mom gave her what she wanted, and she probly went to bed hurt, I'm hiding with my shame and guilt in my room. Sometimes I question God's motive for putting her in my life, is He trying to show me how badly I suck? I'm honestly no good at being a care-taker. A provider, yes, a listener, yes, a guide or help, yes, that came naturally, but N0T taking care of somebody else 24/7, I'm WAY to self-centered for that. That much is CRYSTAL clear  but I'm stuck at home being miserable, probly making my daughter feel unwanted. God I suck 
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Not looking for pity, just ranting about being inadaquate and the shame that follows. |
Girl girl girl. Get out of my head LOL...I feel you  I feel ashamed to have some of these thoughts floating around in my head...I feel like ***** sometimes because of it...In the "real world" I wouldn't even utter the words that you wrote because ***gasp*** moms aren't suppose to say things like this...I wouldn't say I'm self-centered, it's just that when i get in my moods where a melt down is near, I need my space and I get upset if I can't have it...
It would be 1000 times easier if I had someone here to give me much needed breaks by watching my daughter for me but most of my family moved away. My dad is here but he deals with PTSD, depression, bipolar and he can't handle her. Last two times she spent the night, he called all frantic asking me to pick her up because she was too much. So, I just handle things the best I can...I'm waaaay too paranoid to allow her to do sleepovers so that is out of the question...
These feelings you are describing is how I feel a lot of times....It will be ok...You're not alone...Me and you need to talk...How old is your daughter?
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Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, & Wisdom to know the difference.
To live is to suffer, and to survive is to find meaning in that suffering
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