That is exactly what is going on!!!!

I emailed him:

"So the last few weeks I've been feeling like our relationship has changed. It's what's been sending me for kind of a spin. Maybe things are just changing in my mind? Maybe I'm interpreting subtle differences, the wrong way. I feel like ALL I ever do know is frustrate you. In my head I've decided the only possible way to NOT do that anymore is to quit. I felt attacked on Monday when I shutdown. Of course I didn't mean to, but you freaked out on me. I know you want to help me, but that was so um...different. I want you to say whatever points you have to say. That has never changed on my part, and well if I shutdown, oh well... just bring me back to the session. It's not easy to talk about trusting you, because when you explain our relationship, it ALL makes sense. I understand it for a brief moment, and that makes me feel incredibly bad for not trusting you as a person. I feel guilty and ashamed for the way I doubt our relationship, because of my past relationships. You've been nothing but reliable and trustworthy and I'm sorry I forget that do often. You mean a lot to me, your more than I could have ever hoped for in a therapist. I want to be a good client. I want to take the things you teach me and move forward. The kid part of me wants to make you proud. I don't mean to fight you every step of the way, especially lately. I'm scared you are going to loose faith in me. You keep telling me to stop being negative like its easy. It's not, my wiring is screwed up there. I default to negative, you know that by now. I'm just looking to know from YOU that our relationship hasn't changed? I'm scared that your frustration with me will lead to you hating me. I don't know how to process you being frustrated with me, and how that affects our relationship. I don't know if you think I could be trying harder, or if there is something more I should be doing? I hope you understand what I'm trying to say here..."

I just hope he gets what I' trying to say.