I am so exhausted and depressed. I had a disconnection from my therapist 2 weeks ago and it has been really, really difficult dealing with the anger, pain and fear that was the consequence of that. I feel more in control of my feelings than I did last week but I also feel a lot more depressed.

I am aware enough to know that in the bad times I generally learn more about myself than during the good times....so I can see a positive...and I am proud of myself for going back to therapy and attempting to talk openly at a time when I felt very vulnerable......but I don't think the depression is in my mind and can be helped by these positive thoughts - I think it is in my body. My body is really crying.

My therapist said that my overwhelming emotions have 'come together', as a way of me disconnecting from them in order to cope and that the depression is the inverse of the rage. I know she is right but it is also hard feeling this way. It is hard to feel so sad and not know what I can do to help myself feel better...if there is anything.

I'm not entirely sure why I am telling you guys all of this. I hope to keep putting one foot in front of the other till my depressed feelings lift. I know they will, no matter how awful it feels right now, because I've been here before...I wish I could fast forward time though. Thank you for reading.