I do worry about this and that is why I fight those thoughts will all my strength. Even through the really hard time I've been going through I actually haven't been having thoughts, which is so weird for me. Usually one thing goes wrong and the suicide demon is right there tapping me on the shoulder. I actually attribute this to the new baby and my kids. I don't want my kids to be without me. I don't want them to say "My mom commited suicide when I was a kid." I don't want them to wonder why I bothered to give them life just to leave them here on this Earth.

I think this is powerful for me because I lost my mom when I was only 13. She died of cancer, which is different, but I still struggle so much from losing her.

So I stay very educated about suicide and knowing it is a symptom of the illness. I remember it comes at me when my guard is down. I imagine myself a warrior fighting against it, and it is a battle worth winning. No matter how dark things may seem for me, I don't want to give that darkness to my boys.