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jazzy123456 · May 09, 2012, 04:22 PM

I wrote this post knowing that it would identify with most of you. Also, feeling disappointed in the reality of how negative my words were/are. I am usually or at least try to be somewhat hopeful in my posts. Nonetheless, I guess I feel so hurt that I couldn’t help myself. I needed to say exactly what I felt in order to move forward and not be tied up in my hurt- kinda like a vent. I think I’ve decided that I DO need some sort of help, as in, someone to help me, a mentor, a support group..etc. but, I have also decided that this support doesn’t have to necessarily come from therapy any more.. but, I do NEED something. I wish I didn’t but, I definitely do. I am thinking about discussing different options with my therapist, to see if she knows anything that would suit me better.. hopefully that’s a good idea. Idk.

Rainbow:

I can’t afford 90 minutes. It usually does help a bit more. But, at the end of the day, it doesn’t feel like enough for miss emotional me. Haha. Yep. That’s just how God wired me. Some of my character and our character we can change and others are so deeply woven into who we are, we actually will spend most of our lives trying to accept that part of us. Anyway, Have I discussed it as my issue? Nope, I look forward to doing it though and I will.

Wikid:

You know, therapists(all 2 of them though) lol. usually say that is best for me- to talk about the "big" stuff first. I have a hard time doing it though.. and I think my “big” stuff often takes longer then the 30 minutes. I guess it takes the whole hour and extra, which is why it bothers me so. :/ And of course, it wouldn't make any sense for a T to go over when another client is waiting. I get it- I just don't like it- which is why I may not be a good "fit" for therapy. I feel like, if you want to be in therapy, you sort of have to accept the guidelines or slowly find ways too, otherwise you'll be a mess and upset about things you don't have any control over. thanks for the support.

Trinity Dancer-Thanks

Nightlight-

Your words are encouraging. As you mention I’m not alone, remember that YOU aren’t either! It sounds like you can really relate to my post.

Yoda-

You know what, any type of “group” therapy sounds interesting to me. Just been too scared to try it… but, man… I could never do any type of hospitalization- I have to maintain an image due to my job and my family would not want that and I wouldn’t want them to figure out I did that.

Geez-

the silver lining in the dark cloud- that sounds like at least half of my life story lol—like my status says, it is within weakness that we learn to navigate through our strengths—just wish it wasn’t so hard sometimes.

Seaswept-

I kinda feel like I’m gonna feel free once I do it. But, change is hard, even when you have a feeling it’s the best thing for you. I’m sorry your therapist did that, sounds a bit wrong to me. I actually do believe therapists “care” though. They care while we are in that room at least.. the problem is.. that’s not enough for me.

Freefall1974/Jen Luv-

well, freefall- you should post how you feel. It helped me a bunch, to at least gather my thoughts. You should. IT is hard what you feel and I too, don’t understand why we are “attached” to them and they want us to be… I am always wishing I don’t become attached..always.. but, emotions do get the best of us. Eek’. I’m sorry you are in pain. And Jen Luv, I see you can relate so I empathize, cus’ this kinda sucks! Maybe it will get better though… I hope so…

Kacey2-

I completely understand where your anger is coming from. How upset it makes us to realize that they want us to attach to them but, then put limitations and barriers that only turn around and hurt us. I am soo soo sorry you are experiencing this. I do see positive things about therapy—I just think I’ve reached a therapy “growth spurt” of sorts and now I need a little bit more to move on.

Learning-

I can totally agree because quitting therapy probably crosses my mind once a day, wondering if it would help, once a day—yet, I still have not managed to quit cold turkey or take a break like you. It is hard. I do want to focus on having a good ending- that struck a cord with me learning. No matter what, I do not want this one to end like my last one did- I was so unresolved- I was just running away from all the underlying ruptures and I think my old therapist was too. No matter what, I want this one to be different.

thanks for all the comments, hope I didn't skip over anyone. if so, it wasn't intentional... at least I'm happy to know that what I'm going through is normal, since a lot of you can relate.