So, I had an interesting session with T today.. At one point we got to an on going problem with me, the thought that I am more screwed up than everybody else sees me. Like, me being gone is the best solution for me and my family. I know that is distorted thinking and I am working on it. And in the process my T said, I just need to believe him for now. And I just can't do that. He asked why not.. I said, I don't know. He said Do you think I am lying to you? I said no, then he asked do I think that he doesn't know what he is talking about.. I said no.

We dropped it.. When I got home I sat and thought about my session.. and it occured to me, maybe I just don't trust him as much as I thought I did. Then I was like, well.. what does trust really mean? Because I admit that I don't trust many people.. However, I do have a certain amount of trust in certain people. So the Defintion of Trust:

"Assured reliance on the character, ablity, strength, or truth of someone or something." Or "One in which confidence is placed."

So, I then looked up Confidence: "faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way."

So, I looked at those definitions and thought to myself.. Do I really trust T? I keep on going back to him, so- there is some confidence in that he knows what he is doing. I call him crisis and he is good at grounding me, so I trust him in that aspect. However, I wonder if I am having a hard time trusting him in other aspects. Beliving him when he sees the good in me that I don't.. Trust him that when I share the details of my SA he won't go away or think of me differently.

So, anways.. Do you trust your T? what does trust look like in your relationship with your T?? Anything else to add?