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May 09, 2012, 06:29 PM
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 6,543
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Oh my dear I can SO relate. I've been where you are and I wanted to die too. My dear husband died 12 days before our first anniversary.  I wanted to die too -- I didn't want to live at ALL. How could I go on without him??? He was my life!!!
It was a 2nd marriage for both of us. WE had both been in long-term unhappy marriages the first time. We went together for a long time before we got married -- we wanted to be sure this time. In 2000 we finally got married on March 17th, St. Patrick's Day. In August of that year, we found out he had terminal cancer.  The doctor said he might have 6mos to a year. I nursed him the whole time. The following March 5th of 2001, he died at home. I remember that day as tho it was this morning.
Please contact a Grief Counselor -- please! They will help you with the grieving process. Very often, we need help grieving. I know I did. I was SO grief stricken that I needed assistance with it. I needed someone to listen to me, to console me -- I didn't need people telling me that "you"ll get over it" or "time will heal" or "you'll forget him" or other such nonsense. I just needed someone to LISTEN and try to UNDERSTAND.
You can calll Hospice and they have GREAT Grief Counselors -- it doesn't matter if you've used their services or not. They'll be happy to talk to you. There MIGHT be a small fee -- I'm not sure. But it's well worth it. You won't be sorry. They also kept in contact with me for a full year after my husband died to make sure I was okay.
If you don't want to talk to them, please call a counselor/therapist. You do need someone to talk to, my friend. Friends/family just don't "get it." They're too close to the situation and can't see clearly.
If you want to talk, you can private message me anytime. I wish you the very best dearheart. I know what you're going thru. God bless and PLEASE take care of yourself. I understand. Hugs, Lee 
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