I can't help but wonder if she threw it out there just to get a sense of "where you are." If you responded favorably, then that would be useful information. I think my therapist has done something similar a few times - asking if I would like to see her less. I always reacted with panic and worried that she was trying to get rid of me, or was bored with me, etc.

Any suggestion on her part that I might not need her, or pointing out that I'm doing so much better.. all of that triggers massive abandonment triggers.

Even now. After lots of ruptures and repairs over it, though, I've learned to trust that my interpretation is likely skewed - - but I always have to ask in order to get enough clarification to stop my fears from escalating.

It happened today, in fact. I saw her this morning, and she's leaving for a 3.5 week overseas trip. After a fairly extended period of relative peace in my life, last week a very stressful situation cropped up, with lots of huge triggers. I've been handling it better than I've ever been able to in the past. Still...

So in the past, if she's going to be away, especially out of the country, she always give me contact options. ALWAYS. After I left this morning, I realized she hadn't given me any contact info. I've never had to use it in the past, but there is something profoundly reassuring about knowing I am able to if I need to. Since I've got this crazy thing going on that threatens my stability, I emailed her and asked her if I could have it, especially under the circumstances. I referred to it as my "tether."

So she responded and said she'd check her email every few days, and said that hopefully that would be enough of a tether. So I wrote back, thanked her, and since I'm feeling wobbly, I told her to not underestimate the importance of my feeling tethered, and I mentioned an underlying fear that we've discussed in the past, where I worry that she will think I'm fine, and prematurely attempt to send me on my way.

She wrote back and reassured me that "cutting the tether" is not on her agenda.. and that when it was time to do that it would be a decision we would make together. You'd think I'd have felt reassured - but instead - a confusing surge of anxiety and sorrow overtook me.

I wrote again and told her that reading anything about "cutting the tether" - even if in the distant future, felt so violent to me, and set off a rush of abandonment issues for me. I'm a visual thinker - I see and perceive everything that's intangible as 'pictures' - so anyway, I told her that the image I have is that the relationship is more like "stitches" to me. It's like they bind me together - and allow me to operate freely and independently of her. I said "since I've had these stitches holding my constitution together for so long, it doesn't demand my attention, but I'm always aware of them being there.. but that I envisioned that whenever they have served their purpose, they will dissolve and be absorbed by me in a natural and imperceptible way.

Anyway, so she wrote back and it was clear she 'got it' - it was a word choice thing - and when I got that from her, I was good.

My point is - that you need to bring it up with her - tell her how you experienced it - it will strengthen the bond for you.