no thats the thing i trust him with everything and i know he wont do anything to hurt me...i see it in the other way as if if he wanted someone else why would he keep me around all the time and bring me everywhere with him....but theres then theres the little devil in my head that tells me other wise....i love him to death and now we talked and he is willing to work with me and help me get help....i went and seen my dr today to start meds to help a little bit...and it was the first time in a long time i herd him say something on the rewarding side not that it really should be like that but it was...i also see if he didnt believe that this wouldnt work by me getting help he would have tossed me out...but in other words he did say to me he has grown to hate me but i know somewhere he still loves me.....which i really hope he does....and i hope this really works bc i really dont wanna lose him at all... when i went to the dr today she told me that she should have let me even walk out of there today thats how bad that i am...