Quote:
Originally Posted by My kids are cool
I am just feeling so depressed and so worthless.  Just because I feel that way today (and have been feeling down for the last two weeks at least) doesn't mean that I'm falling back into a depression, right? This is just one of those things. My T and I are . . . shoot, I don't know what we are. I still cannot get over being embarrassed and mortified about the discussion a couple of weeks ago. And that discussion was pretty much what triggered this . . . whatever it is. Depressive episode. Let's call it that, rather than depression. The marriage counseling really seems to be hurting rather than helping also. And mother's day coming up. And my mother not calling me ever even when I send up her favorite cookies. And talking trash about me to anyone who will sit still to listen.
But, I can shake this off, right? It's not forever. One foot in front of the other. |
Hmmm... that is the most maddening distortion of depression for me. "This is exactly how I've always felt, and this is how I'm always going to feel." Any other attitude just feels like, "Talk, talk, talk." I knew this sweet man of the sort I normally can't tolerate because he was an optimist, but something about him made him bearable. He suggested to me using the positive affirmation of, "I'm happy, and I've always been happy." It sort of worked, but not in the way he intended. That sentence coming out of
my mouth consistently struck me as a punchline that had no need of a build up. So, I'd always laugh right after I said it--a kind of instant lift of my spirits. A laugh with some cynicism is better than none.
This issue with your T has really big implications for you given the interpretations you've laden it with, so it doesn't really surprise that it has you depressed. You were forging a relationship
for once with someone based on acceptance and trust. It seems like you've interpreted what happened to mean that was all false. So you're not just losing a sense of trust in your T, but your nascent hope that forming nurturing relationships is possible. That loss is huge.
I don't think you've really lost it though. You can still talk to him about the cast you've put on that interaction, however awkward that conversation may be. I'll lay odds your interpretation isn't confirmed. Then you will regain your hope, and since depression is very much the absence of hope, probably start to feel better. I'm rooting for you.