I watched (and suffered) the effect of a close teen's suicide on his mom and family. It left such an indelible impression on me, the way the family suffers, that it pretty much put a stop to any ideas I might come up with. As bad as it can sometimes get, I can't do that to my own family. And now I live with two little kids who adore me. I don't want to abandon them, they need me too much. So no, that particular issue doesn't scare me anymore.

What does scare me is my meds going haywire and landing back in the hospital. I'm in a new state, every place I know and was comfortable with is gone, and the nearest facility is a state run one. The unknown triggers memories of the time I landed in a county run hell hole and barely made it out intact. It was 4 years before I could even talk about what had happened with my T. We didn't even discuss it then, she just heard me say it all thru without interrupting me.

So yes, I get scared sometimes, but not about suicide.