firstly, it is not right to punish your son by changing schools, especially if he is gifted. i realize that it's more work for you to drop off and pick up children in different schools. but, your gifted son should not be sent to a failing school.

having had 12 years of catholic schooling, i know it can be strict. your daughter's behavior is problematic and is not helpful to the other students. yes, she is old enough to be told the truth. when i was in fifth grade, we also had problem students who acted out and the teachers could not control them. the result was changes of teachers and a shuffling of students to break up power cliques. sadly, it appears your daughter does not have friends at school and that may be a cause of her anger issues. on one hand, she may thrive in a school setting that is less disciplined. on the other hand, well, both my parents and my teachers all made it clear to me at a young age that, until i reached adulthood (more specifically, until i got a job and moved out), i was NOT the boss. disobedience was not tolerated. didn't matter if i had an emotional problem or not. the problems your daughter has can affect her for the rest of her life. please ask your MD for a new med ASAP and make them aware of the schooling problem. have you considered behavioral counseling for her? i am not a big fan of tough love when applied generously. however, in small, appropriate doses, it may help. i also think that you need to work with your daughter to find something that she likes to do; something she will be good at and excel at to give her confidence. it will be a good reward for her following her teachers' (and your) instructions / advice. good luck!