Wikid, I feel for you. I wish those things for you also. In particular, I hope that last one comes true. I used to keep a list in my head of things I'd done right each day, to try to help myself get over the depression. I wished so much for "I didn't kill myself today" to NOT be on the list. I wanted it to just be NORMAL and not an effort that I didn't kill myself that day. It happened eventually for me and I hope it happens for you as well!