Quote:
Originally Posted by CantExplain
PLAY
I went to therapy wearing my nazgul costume. Naturally T wanted to know why.
I said I was in a playful, mischievous mood. It’s about teasing authority without quite challenging its power. Or so I thought. But we worked on it a bit longer and then…
Me: It’s play as a substitute for sex.
T: Bravo! So what kind of sex would you want with me?
Me: Play sex.
Kissing, cuddling, chasing, lying on the grass, gazing into her eyes, putting my hand on her breast.
But I’m looking at T with my heart, not my eyes. It’s not T’s face and it’s not T’s body. In fact it’s my wife’s body, aged about 30. It’s a woman who will bear my child.
T: A woman who will give you everything.
In fact, I’m replaying an idealisation of what happened when I was courting my wife in my early twenties. We had time to play and explore and find out about sex together over several months.
That was only time in my life when I led with my heart and went at my heart’s pace. As we know, the first flush of love turns off the higher brain functions! The planning, critical, worrying, responsible part of the brain (the superego, I guess) is pleasantly anaesthetised.
I've had plenty of disappointments in my life, but one thing I wouldn't change is the love I've shared with my wife.
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My unsolicited interpretation. A nazgul is anything
but playful. A nazgul is death. You came to T cloaked in the garb of death, and talked about the period of your life when you felt most alive. In many ways sex is our robust "f uck you" to death. Us saying, "Ha, ha, death. I'm
so alive, I'm cumming." Tack on your T's reproductive reflections about feeling like your wife's fertile body was giving you everything (aka immortality through spawning), and it seems like the whole session was about death. It is the ultimate authority we'd like to tweak on the nose, but of course we can't really. We can only put on a show of bravery, of defiance like a child taunting a dog on a chain. Once that chain is cut we're all fu cked. Reproduction is only illusory immortality--the immortality of our DNA not of us.
Just some thoughts...