And you could teach that she is not your son and does not have his needs but her own and that she needs to work on her own problems with doing her work and paying attention to her teachers and that you and the school do not feel that school could help her with those problems well enough anymore. Yes, some of the work doing is under her control but she cannot understand how to make that work yet because of her lack of experience. With proper structure, she can get some of that experience?

I like the slogan, "fix the problem, not the blame". Your daughter has difficulties the Catholic school does not wish to address. That's their lost opportunity (and money). I know Catholic schools have been under siege for awhile now and are losing students because they don't have enough money to attract them anymore; the nuns are gone and that "specialness" of uniforms and hard work are going or not enough in this day and age when there are students like your daughter who need above-and-beyond help.

I'd take her to (or have one come visit) an educational consultant and maybe see if you couldn't get a "plan" that would help her? They will have access to more resources and know laws, more schooling options, how public school might/might not help, etc. Having a special plan just for her might make her feel special enough that she would not see anything wrong with the school change (would not like it necessarily, since it is a big "change" but would be able to follow the logic that it is part of a larger overall plan, just for her needs).