Hi RacinginMania, welcome to PsychCentral!
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Originally Posted by RacinginMania
I understand that this is going to be a difficult road, but why run just because there's the chance that something else could be easy.
Who here agrees with what and why?
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I don't think your question was ever about what would be easiest. For example, I doubt that you're in therapy because it's easier than not being in therapy, just as I doubt that people climb mountains because it's easier than not climbing mountains.
You and the girl can benefit in various ways from knowing each other but what each of you learns from the experience probably won't look much like what you expected to learn going in. Probably the more open to learning either of you are, the less it'll look like your preconceptions and the more you'll get out of it. No doubt you'll also find before you're done that you bug each other in various ways but exactly what
that'll look like, or how it'll compare to the value you get from the relationship, you won't know till you get there.
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I brought this up to my T and she made it clear that she couldn't tell me what to do but she thought it was a terrible idea. She said if I were her son she would honestly tell me to not get involved with this girl because she has too many emotional issues to deal with.
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She may be looking at it from her viewpoint as a therapist, thinking "Geez, if I had to do therapy on
her, where would I begin?" If you're looking for a chance to help the girl, fix her, change her or make her better -- or if you're hoping that she'll help you, fix you or make you better -- you'll probably be disappointed. If you're willing to be whoever you are and to let her be whoever she is, you're sure to enjoy the experience more and both of you may (no guarantees!) get better naturally.
Since you seem to have only your therapist's opinion to go by, that the girl has "too many emotional issues", you apparently don't know firsthand what that would be like or how dealing with it would affect you. I know only one way to find out.
If you'd said that about some kinds of things -- that you didn't know what it would feel like to jump off a cliff, for instance -- I would've recommended that you not find out. As I see it, though, whatever you don't learn in one relationship you'll only have to learn in another unless you were to avoid relationships (or learning) altogether -- so why not go for it?
If your T is willing to work with you on whatever comes up for you in the course of that relationship, that could make the experience even more valuable for you. If she can point out
to your satisfaction some ways that the experience could be more like jumping off a cliff than I can see from here, that could be valuable all by itself. If it started to look as if your T had an investment in being right about the girl and protecting you from her, that might be something to bring up in therapy eventually.