Thank you all for your true and heartfelt honest replies...I know suicide is such a dark, private subject for everyone and I appreciate you all trusting me with it. Im glad to report today that the sun is shining, and I am smiling, so no bad thoughts... And after reading all of these posts, it puts alot in perspective. I do not want to become a suicide statistic either....and when I stop and think, there are alot of positives in my life....its hard to see them sometimes through the Bi-Polar cloud, and this past year has been the toughest year of my life with my son's father passing away....so I feel like Im trying on a new pair of shoes and trying to make them comfy and see how they fit me....and sometimes new shoes and BP dont like to get along either lol......I wish all of you big warm hugs and a blessed day