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ThePainNeverDies · May 10, 2012, 04:08 PM

It's funny that all of you have said about the first and last posts in this thread. Before you posted those comments, last night, I went through and read all my posts from the start of this thread and I cried. I actually cried. I went back to how much pain I was feeling back then, how mixed up, confused, frustrated and unhappy I was and I thought 'why, when I was feeling like this about David 3 months ago, did I not walk away those 3 months ago? Why did I not realise that he wasn't changing in the long run, and just go?' Then I realised that I'd seen how things were, I knew at the time how things were, and, being the kind of person that I am, I gave him another chance to prove that he could buck his ideas up somewhat. I know that I wasn't perfect, I had my bad days and I know that I miffed him off somewhat, sometimes, but I'm sure not to that extent...

So yes, I did read over my posts and I do see the difference. I've read over some of my even older posts, and the difference between those and this post, is massive, absolutely massive.

It really brightens me up, really lightens my heart to know that I'm inspiring people, just by growing myself, as a person, just by becoming myself again and sharing my thoughts, feelings and general musings.

Today was a difficult day. It started off fairly slow, I got into work at 9am, made a herbal tea to calm my head somewhat - it's been ages since I drank herbal tea, it was so yummy! Then the calls started slowly and stayed at a steady flow, which I was happy with. But then after I had lunch, stuffing myself with fruit and salad, I had horrible customer after horrible customer. By the time it was 4pm, I then had a call come in with a customer complaining to me for 21 minutes and 32 seconds exactly. At this point, my bladder felt like it was going to pop. Then, just as I advised my Team Leader that I was going on my break 20 minutes late, I got another call. From someone who was determined to yak and take part in a lot of chit chat. Another 6 minutes of agony, then I dashed to the bathroom... When I got back, I still managed to catch all the grotty, annoying customers, so it really crushed my day. Somehow though, I still managed to joke, laugh, chat happily and make others in the office laugh, it was nice.

Come home time, I was exhausted and fed up of hearing peoples' voices, so I stuck my earphones into my ears, grabbed a few bits for dinner tonight, including some lamb (which, by the way was gorgeous with boiled veg... Mmmmm!) And then hopped onto the train home. Strangely enough, I was walking tall. I had my head held high, I walked proudly down the street, like I was on a mission, knew where I wanted to go and wouldn't stop at anything to get there. I certainly felt better once I got home.

It was lovely, I was picked up from the station, had a rant in the car and comforted my partner who had also had a stressful day... Then we got home and he gave me a massive cuddle, it was so nice, he said he'd missed me all day and loved cuddles with me. When I asked why he'd cuddled me like that, he said because he loves my cuddles and wanted to show me how much he cares and just comfort me. Hmmm So, we had lamb for dinner which was really tasty, and I re-strung my guitar, which was therapeutic (after whinging slightly about my partner cleaning my guitar for me whilst I was out, because I find that therapeutic too. Of course, I started with 'I appreciate you doing it for me...') and now I just have to play the new strings, in. I can't wait

I'm sleepy now, my brain is like mush after today and I'm trying to do the shopping online as well as organise shoots, write this, sort out the cats and talk to my partner - I think my head may just explode lol...

Thanks again everyone for your replies, as difficult as today has been for more reasons than above, I'm enlightened and lifted by your positive comments.