I don't know if im going crazy but this feeling I have just won't go away... and I know its a weak thing to do.. but life just isn't getting better. I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday.. which is probably why I'm feeling worse. But I wasnt fully happy with him either.

This all started when I failed 5 out of 8 of my papers in my first year of university .. and at the time I was with my boyfriend.. I had a distracted so I suppressed the sadness. I never told my parents about failing and this was in 2010. They still think i'm doing the same degree but in reality I got kicked out of the honours degree and am now doing a similar thing which has mostly the same papers. Its still engineering so its been easy to hide it from my parents. Before I found out i was getting kicked out of the honors degree.. My boyfriend broke up with.. saying that he didnt want the relationship because he didnt want to hurt me. Over the summer I had a really hard time dealing with the break up even tho we were only together for a month... and after 3 months I found out I was getting kicked out. I had friends to help me deal with that at the time.. even though going back to uni was the hardest thing. I had to deal with running into my boyfriend and with people laughing at me for being a failure. a semester went by and I didnt get over him but I was passing my papers... and I felt like I was slowly fixing the mess I made of my life. But he contacted me again.. and I didnt have enough will power to stay away. So we got back together and now it has been 8 months. Uni isnt going well Ive been passing but the guilt of my parents not knowing is eating me away. I feel like my life will never get better. I basicly dont have friends right now.. everyones moving on with life and getting jobs and doing well... and my life has been stuck.. and I havn't been happy for a long time now. Im a positive person.. which is why I didnt break when I failed.. I moved forward.. but right now.. I feel empty and killing myself or attempting to seems like a good idea. Help me...because time isnt fixing anything... and with my boyfriend gone.. I have noone to help me through anything.