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sweepy62 · May 10, 2012, 09:45 PM

I posted in my previous post that my t was wanting to know how i felt about seeing her every 2 weeks instead of every week, she told me she was not considering it but was just wanting to know my oppinion on it, this threw me into a spiral i remember her

telling me that because of my change of meds and my depression she would not consider it, I told her I prefer every week being that we are working on past sensitive issues.

I wrote her a letter but i dont expect a call so i wont know till wednesday, this is all im thinking about i dont want to justify this negative thinking because of bpd and bp but it sure does not help me any.

I have never been angry at my t we work very well together but i am really angry, I am not in private therapy its community mental health, but its very good.

I dont even know what to say on wed so much is pent up and I have an anger problem as it is. can u please give me suggestions my t and i been together for 15 months but just 2 months ago started on sensitive issues.

this is the letter i sent her:This is how I feel, before i started therapy I thought I was fine but I wasnt
during therapy I have learned alot and have been able to cope better, and of course the meds I am on do help to calm me down.
In therapy I have recieved the care and understanding I never recieved while growing up, and it felt confusing and strange to me, and I did not want to accept it.
I thought it was all fake and I had a hard time understanding it.

I always struggled with abandonment issues and this is why I found it hard to open up to anyone, I know now that Sarah really cared and you care about my well being in a therapeutic sense,
and that feeling is precious to me, but still very frightning because I feel it will be taken away abruptly, and I dont want to feel hurt and confused anymore. My life growing up
was very hurtful and confusing.

I have opened up so that you can help or guide me to cope better in life and all its problems I will enconter. I am still frightened at the thought of getting abandoned, although I know you wont
therapeutically and I dont know how to get over this feeling, and I know it was my fault for opening up so late in therapy, I should have opened up alot sooner but I was afraid.
This is how I feel.