I am bad at talking about myself.

Here I go, As of late i have been feeling less and less worthy of my own time, like even i dont want to hang out with me. I feel as if my generosities to my friends are the only reason i have them. whenever i truly need them the arnt there, but when they need me all the have to do is ask and im there. i also feel just over all over shadowed by my brother, hes in the military aspiring to follow my grandfather to become a lawyer and what i want to do is be a cop, and at that i don't have my drivers license or a permit for that matter, i've flunked out of my college courses and im afraid to tell anyone, i feel as though i can try harder but then i get the overwhelming urge to say whats the point my brother is just going to one up me or why bother if i'm going to fail. I fake my sadness at school and home and everywhere but my true friends know im sad but dont ask and my family asks but i dont want them to worry. ive been thinking about just deleting this post since i started typing it thinking why bother noone will read it, ive never been one to tap into my emotions i dont know how and i am try but i feel more useless as i type. Any adivce can help, please