i had a dream last night and ive never had a dream like this before...it was so cool. i was sitting on some stairs inside a house and i was sitting around watching as T and other T's in her group were hanging out laughing and talking (yes, they knew i was there).....T was standing next to me and for whatever reason she gave me a big hug but it wasnt like a normal hug...it was how a mother would playfully hug and nuzzle her 2 or 3yr old little girl. i was laughing and giggling and so was she. it was so cool. i was my current age but it was almost like i WAS 2 or 3 while it was happening. thats how i felt. like a little kid being loved by her mom. i could FEEL the love. so thats what that feels like? when i woke up right after that I was smiling so big. it was a feeling ive never felt before. i know it has less to do with T and everything to do with my mom. then of course as the "Awe" of it wore off after i was up for awhile....i am now starting to feel sad about it. 1. because i know i will never really experience that and 2. because i missed out on all that fun, happy, nurturing love from my mom

as the day goes on the intensity of those feelings while i was in the dream are starting to fade and i just wish i could hang onto them forever.