wow. it's like you're trying to flip the coin over to the happy side IRL, that you only see in your dreams, and that makes you sad. whereas I wake up with a wooden nickel under my pillow and i'm happy with that, never even had that much before. I'm wondering if it's the difference between abuse and neglect, where with abuse you did have parental attention, and so you CAN imagine what it would be like for that attention to be happy and positive. I can't even picture that. All I see is a scowly face and trouble. There is no happy face for me to miss, hers or mine. I just don't understand this concept. omg do I sound like stopdog???