I haven't been on these forums for a few months now, and my depression has been pretty stable for several months aside from a little blip when some family issues came about over the holidays. But I can feel myself slipping pretty fast lately. Tearful, paranoid, overwhelmingly sad, not coping well, and there isn't anyone to talk to about things (I have no close friends and my family and I do not speak). I'm overwhelmed with life; a lot of things in the coming months I have to plan for and I don't know what to do. I have a major surgery at the end of the year that I think I'll probably cancel because, well, I can't do it alone (recover) and there is really no one to help me.

The thing that makes me feel so sad today is that I can't think of one single person who actually loves me...you know? Like, I think most people can say that their parents or significant other, or child, or at least someone loves them. But no, I can't think of one person who has any strong feelings for me. Who, if something were to happen to me tomorrow, would miss me past the weekend. Sometimes I think it would just be easier on everyone if I weren't here. I know I'm not supposed to say that, but it's true. And who am I being strong for? I'm the only one I live for and I'm not very happy about myself and my life at the moment. Sorry...I'm not threatening...I'm just very sad. Thank you for listening.