Hi,
i don't know if i should just ramble off what's bothering me or ????
I just had a baby and now I"m just lost and sad. I though last year i really really wanted a baby but now me and my boyfriend just fight ALL THE TIME. i don't want to be with him. i don't want to be around ANYONE. it's not because of postpartum depression, because i've always been a little bit "moody". And it makes me really sad because i just want friends. I have friends for a little bit but for some reason i always lose them. I know i'm not explaining myself very well but that's part of the problem- everyone says i'm so "hidden". I don't mean to be, it's just my nature. Now i feel like is it my nature to be miserable forever??? I start going to church regularly last summer, and thought it was helping me at first, but now it's not helping at all and it's making me so sad because all the other girls are much better friends and i always feel left out.

I'm going back to college in the fall, so i won't be making as much money. Me and my boyfriend make very little money, and i have a dental bill to pay off and we just found out he owes 3700 in back-taxes. I feel like such a loser who will never have a house or anything nice.

i wish i could enjoy time with my baby while he is growing up but it's just not happening. This was not how i dreamed my life would be- fighting with my boyfriend all the time, the baby screaming, i'm so tired, no money, UGH AND FAT AGAIN, and no friends, so lonely,..... and i know my situation could be so much worse... i see pain in suffering all around me in the world that is MUCH worse, therefore i feel like how can there be a God that wanted his world to be like this?????? To be suffered through?? i thought life was supposed to joyous... but I see NO JOY. uggh.

Thanks for your time.