I can certainly relate. I have been suicidal at many points in my life and came very close to an attempt about 5 years ago. I'm not sure what stopped me, but I'm thankful. I still have some very down days, but I just do the best I can to fight through them. The meds definitely help - I know this because I think of reasons to live now instead of ways to die, although strangely I will welcome death when it comes - it is not something I fear, but rather am very curious about. I really want to know what happens at that time, but I've sworn that I won't be the one to cause it - I just hope I can stay even enough to keep that promise to myself.

I knew when meds I was on before were not working because I wanted to die. Once I was able to find a cocktail of meds that keep me somewhat even, I began to see that it is worth giving life a try. You may need to find your right mix of meds to get you there, so don't give up. Meds are not the silver bullet by any means, but instead they keep my lows slight and temporary, and prevent everything from crashing down. That's the best I can hope for and I know it's a life long journey. Good luck