Had a crisis session with T. I am in so much agony my life seems worthless. I am off meds for the first time in years and the pain is so much sharper. I needed him. It sux but I did. I was so raw, no tears but my hands were shaking visibly. I couldn't sit back in the chair, I was rocking from side to side, silent. He wheeled his chair in close and talked calmly. I squeaked out a story of neglect. He got it. His chair was just feet from mine, and he was leaning forward too...I guess mirroring. I wanted so badly to reach out my hand and grab his. Beg for help. I couldn't. It felt like a slow hour. I am home now and still aching, I want to text but I won't. God, what I wouldn't give to be able to let the wall down.