Wiki, my heart goes out to you! I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I know you wanted to reach out to T more, but it sounds to me like you did reach out .... and even though you may not have reached your hand out physically, you did take your whole self there for a crisis session. I think that was a lot for you .... a big thing for you, a letting down of the wall a little more ......
Go ahead,let yourself text him. You don't need to be alone.
You're not alone.