Yeah, I say all jokingly... That's my coping skill-- brushing off my problems and pretending they don't matter.

Well, I'm in a bad place right now. After coming back from the mental hospital (Coastal Harbor-- Hell on Earth), I was hoping things would get better. Sadly, they didn't and I'm back in the same place I was before. Suicidal.

My parents have locked up everything sharp and all the guns. Both luckily and sadly for me, they forgot the tools and as soon as I got home I snagged a new blade. And I went right back to cutting. They don't let me go anywhere but the bathroom on my own. I can't even escape to my room when things get too hectic or I feel a panic attack coming on. They always want to know my feelings. And sometimes I get unbelievably happy for no reason and do stupid and dangerous things because I feel invincible and powerful. And now my friends are afraid to let me go anyplace alone because of that. So I'm always surrounded by people.

I can't take it anymore.

I tried telling my mom that I needed alone time and she started spouting crap about how they were scared for me. And when I told her I was going insane dealing with everyone she told me to suck it up.

I hate myself. I hate my life and I'm starting to really hate people. I was already pretty ****ing twisted, but now I'm getting crazier than before.

I just want it to end.