My daughter just turned 28 this year. She moved out a year and a half ago and has been living with her boyfriend and they have a house together. She is taking her time when it comes to deciding on marriage. She has NO children only her two horses, the one the neighbor's dog crippled and a young one she is trying to train.

Thank you unhappyguy, yes you are right this is going to take time. I was actually surprised she allowed me to talk about what I have and what happened to me as a child. I explained to her that because I experienced CSA I was very watchful over her growing up and that was why I prefered to have her friends come and play at our home rather than her going to a home where I could not watch her. AND, I made sure I spent time with her talking about what her body parts were and how to make sure she did NOT allow other children even to talk her into allowing them to do things with her. AND, because I did that and she knew, she told me about a friend she has who's brother and friend were molesting and the mother didn't know. Well, I had a conversation with THAT mother. Oh, I was so proud that my daughter KNEW what was wrong and came and told me, she was only six years old.

It just got real hard when she was 13, as that is when I found out my husband had cheated on me and did not use protection and the women were very active and I was very frightened I may have some STD from that. Remember, I was having problems every month, I was really scared and really didn't have anyone to talk to about it. And my husband an I were separated for a summer and I ran the farm on my own and I didn't know WHAT was going to happen. And my daughter WAS scared and she asked me to please stay a family because she always felt special because she was the only one in her class who's parents were not divorced.

A therapist told me that at this time in her life a divorce would really cause psychological duress and if I could manage to put my marriage back together, it would benefit her. So, that is all I needed to hear, SHE was THAT important to me. And I did what she asked but it was hard on me.

I didnt tell anyone but that one trainer that I was separated. Odd that they would ask that question in my husbands deposition. The neighbor with the dog didn't even live next door back then. This was over 15 years ago. I was not legally separated so it would not be anywhere on record. Yes, it triggered me this week, after I learned that question was asked in his deposition. That time in my life was very hard on me.
It has NOTHING to do with my neighbor and his negligence with his dog or my case.
I am angry that my attorney allowed that question to be asked as I probably mentioned. Forgive me if I repeat myself I do that when I am struggling.

I was just glad that my daughter actually listened because up to this point as soon as I would talk she would just say I was making excuses.

I am actually glad she DID move out because after she left, I really got bad and that is when I started having very bad flashbacks from my childhood. I have flashbacks that go back to when I was so little, I can't believe that my brain remembers so far back I was in a crib and I am so upset and so cold. And when they come, I AM THAT AGE and I can't get out of them they are really scary because I am VERY UPSET IN THEM. Sometimes they go on ALL DAY and all I can do is my best to endure them until they pass. My daughter would not have understood that. And I could not have explained it back then either, I could barely talk about it in therapy. And I don't get graphic in therapy. I just talk in general and try to learn how to comfort myself and deal with them.

Open Eyes